First, in honor of FATHER’S DAY, here are my father’s strongest held beliefs, in order.
“I believe in God, family, tradition, being considerate, love, education, discipline and fun!”
Though he’s been gone over 20 years, it feels sometimes like yesterday. I hope you’re all richer for having read his values: He was very bright and very funny….and he also loved his younger Brother, who I love SO much, and who I want to wish a very Happy Father’s Day to!
Now read this, which my aunt Judy sent me, and the other hilarious one down below (Dad would have loved these!):
Solving A Squirrel Problem
There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town:
a Presbyterian church,
a Baptist church,
a Methodist church,
a Catholic church,
and a Jewish synagogue.
Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will. (At our church they’d take an offering first)
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue;
they took the first squirrel and circumcised him.
They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
“Then our mouths were filled with laughter; our tongues sang for joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord had done great things for them.” Psalms 126:2
Here’s another funny one donated by my buddy, CC:
A very cranky woman “in her senior years” was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, “Just a stupid can of peaches.”
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.”
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, “Nine! But why do you care about that?”
The judge answered patiently, “Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail — one day for each peach.”
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, “Yes sir, what do you have to add?”
The husband said meekly,
“Your Honor, she also stole two cans of peas.”
HAPPY A BLESSED SUNDAY! LAUGH A LOT TODAY!