Miss Lillian was right! And John Boehner was, too

These are some fun one-liners I hope you enjoy….Since I posted this last night, the morning news is that JOHN BOEHNER HAS STEPPED DOWN:  Thoughts?

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’

– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

– Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

– George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

– Victor Borge

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

– Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad oneyou’ll become a philosopher.

– Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

– Groucho Marx

 

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:  alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

– Alex Levine

Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

– Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

– Joe Namath

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.

– Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

– Will Rogers

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

– Winston Churchill

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

– Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

– Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist’s diet:  if it tastes good spit it out.

I figured we needed some GOOD news today………I did.  I  hope you liked some of those.

Z

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19 Responses to Miss Lillian was right! And John Boehner was, too

  1. jerrydablade says:

    Loved ’em. Thanks for the laughs, Z! I’ll add just this from one of my favs…

    I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’.Bob Newhart

  2. Linda says:

    Thanks for the laughs! After all the bad news, we need the good news!

  3. silverfiddle says:

    Thank you for the Friday morning laugh. We do all need it.

  4. geeez2014 says:

    Jerry, that’s funny! Except I like Country… 🙂 The GOOD country, of course!

    AF and Linda….very glad you enjoyed them, too!!

  5. geeez2014 says:

    AND BOEHNER STEPPED DOWN: That could make some of us laugh, too!

    ANY INPUT? I’ll add something to the top of the post to get some conversation on that, too!

  6. jerrydablade says:

    HA! Actually, I like country too, Z Some of the old and some of the new too. Maybe we should swap “Hillary’ for ‘country music’ . that might work better.

  7. geeez2014 says:

    Jer, I’d rather vote for VINCE GILL or my favorite Mark O’Connor than HILLARY, right

  8. Imp says:

    @Z…you do know what happens when you play country music backwards, don’t you? BTW…I hear that vinyl is making a comeback. Great…now I can dust them off and not look foolish for having that turntable in my house? Which still works.

  9. Cube says:

    I hadn’t heard about Boehner. I’ve been avoiding the papal coverage on the news. Is that why he was crying? ‘Cause news of his departure is making me happy.

    Anyway, thanks for the laughs. I needed those.

    Re: Country music, not a big fan. I prefer something a little more soulful and, before you start, I’m
    not Amy Winehouse 🙂

  10. Cube says:

    What’s Obola’s mother’s name? Whatever-her-name was, she should’ve heeded the words
    of Miss Lillian, too.

  11. bocopro says:

    Boehner simply doesn’t want to be on the wrong side of a “no-confidence” vote. He very likely thinks he’s going out a winner.

    Point is, tho, that a very strong majority of conservatives, roughly 2/3, believe he has forsaken the mandate the voters gave him when the GOP took back control over the House.

    So now he’ll ride off into the sunset, give a few speeches, write a book or two, and lick his wounds until some journalism student scrounging around for material for his master’s thesis comes to interview him in the post-Obama mélange before getting the counterpoints from Peloosey.

  12. jerrydablade says:

    Re Boehner, I thought his face was more swollen and puffy, and that he was sweating and working that handkerchief more than usual during the Pope’s address. I just thought he had a bad pint. Good riddance, though I’m not hopeful the establishment won’t just prop up another puppet.

  13. Mustang says:

    Boehner should get psychiatric help; no one cries that much without some “issues” that need resolving. And the drinking probably doesn’t help.

  14. Sparky says:

    Oh my gosh, I love these. Thanks for the giggles Z.
    Hope your day is blessed.

  15. Kid says:

    Thanks for the laughs Z 🙂

    Boehner. Great! Can we get hom to put McConnell under his arm as the leaves? And a member of the black caucus under the other arm?

    Country music:
    – I once said you could listen to every modern country tune played simultaneously and only hear one tune, and then someone piped in, no you wouldn’t even hear one tune.
    – What do you get when you put country and rap together – crap.
    – Chet Atkins said modern country music ruined country music.
    – I like the old country music, the stories and the uniqueness of the tunes. Too bad the recording tech wasn’t so good then.

    @Mustang, I drink and almost never cry… except for now.

  16. Bob says:

    Gonna miss Boehner. We all need a good cry now and then. The jokes are funny, and just what I needed today.

    Have a great weekend.

  17. Baysider says:

    Aah, this is JUST what I needed after the most intensive all-over-the-map work week I’ve had in a year. Miss Lillian takes the prize!

  18. geeez2014 says:

    Hi, everyone…glad you enjoyed these!
    Thanks for the blessings,some of you 🙂

    XXX

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