Terror alerts with HUMOR?

*ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2016 FOR EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy (Z: this about killed me laughing!) can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought – Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short . . (end of article)  

*Z: This was apparently written in June of 2014,  but it’s so funny, and I hadn’t seen it, that I had to share it with you.  Good to LAUGH sometimes…even about the serious stuff, right!?

I hope it helped your day!
Z

 

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10 Responses to Terror alerts with HUMOR?

  1. Silverfiddle says:

    Actually, that came out after 911 and has resurfaced every few years, sometimes with different spins… Still funny.

  2. Sparky says:

    Being a bit of an Anglophile, I laughed myself silly(er) after reading John Cleese’s statement when he first issued it. He is a national treasure to be sure. What makes it especially funny, and scary, is it’s all true. The only country left out (that matters) is America. Ours could be: in America whilst under attack, “we simply yawned, voted a Muslim into office, then lined up for the slaughter and kept texting each other as the Obama Caliphate cut their heads off.”

  3. fredd says:

    All of this European indifference to the Islamic threat can be reasonably blamed on Uncle Sam. Since the Marshall Plan after WWII, we Yanks have coddled Europe with our smothering military presence. Accordingly, none of the Europeans have had to spend a single penny on battleships, tanks, aircraft carriers or long range bombers, not to mention huge standing armies.

    As a result of the Yanks spending all of our tax money on defending Europe, the Europeans can forego all of that military spending and instead spend it all on social programs. This has been going on so long now, that Europeans have no sense of what kind of dangerous world is lurking at their borders, now that Barack Obama has decided that we are not going to protect them anymore.

    They just don’t know how to deal with menaces to their existence anymore. And it our fault, you see.

  4. Like Sparky said.
    And Fredd is correct.
    I, of course, am 100% right.

  5. geeez2014 says:

    SF: Delighted to hear there’s something I hadn’t been sent over the years!:

    I just hoped we’d all get a kick out of them because they ARE SO clever!

  6. Baysider says:

    Thanks. We needed that.

    “now that Barack Obama has decided that we are not going to protect them anymore.” OR US, IT APPEARS. See this out today: “In a shocking reversal of policy, U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents are being told to release illegal immigrants and no longer order them to appear at deportation hearings, essentially a license to stay in the United States, a key agent testified Thursday. What’s more, the stand down order includes a requirement that the whereabouts of illegals released are not to be tracked.”

  7. Mal says:

    Sparky, I bet even after the Obama Caliphate cut off their heads they still managed to keep texting!
    Its become a natural reflex with them, kind of like a chicken after cutting off its head will keep trying to run!

  8. Kid says:

    That’s a good one Z.

    PS – What Ed said.

  9. Pingback: My Article Read (2-4-2016) – My Daily Musing

  10. Chuck Adamson says:

    Hey Baysider, let me add this to your comment
    On top ofDHS letting all the illegals in, we here in Calif. are giving them DriversLicenses. OF COURSE NO ONE ASKED ANY OF US, Californians, IF THEY COULD DO THIS,
    I called my insurance agent and found out that the newly licensed Illegals, weren’t required to provide proof of insurance, unless they owned a car. Unreal, I had to have insurance when I first learned to drive (40 years ago), and I didn’t own a car, my folks did.
    I have owned my welding business since 1984 and I can attest to the real damage the illegals do to our wages. I have a hard time competing with other welding companies who aren’t forced to hire legal help. They pay all their illegal workers less, don’t have to have all the work comp. insurance costs and payroll taxes, and pay them cash under the table.
    In So. Cal. when you go to a construction jobsite, you better know Spanish or you can’t do business as hardly any of those workers speak english. I need at least one of my employees to be a Spanish speaker, so he can translate. I can’t tell you how many mistakes are made as a result of the language barrier.
    CHUCK

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