Chicken Crossing the Road……

THESE ARE FABULOUS!!  Well worth reading till the end….ENJOY!  (Z’s made some additions in parenthetic red!)

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

DONALD TRUMP: We will build a big wall to
keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for
legal chickens.  (those A** H****….it’ll be the best, most huuuge wall and prevent thousands and THOUSANDS of illegal chickens!)
JOHN KERRY: We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the
road or not.  (of course, we can’t even vet illegals and I lied about Vietnam, but we will trust the chickens)
CHRIS CHRISTIE: We need to waterboard that chicken to find out why it
crossed the road.  (and if the road was a toll road…er, um..or dare I say bridge?)

RAND PAUL: It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road. (and I think it has cataracts, anyway)
NANCY PELOSI: We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road
to see what it says.  (there’s nothing funny to add about this awful woman)
CARLY FIORINA: Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the
road.  (and I wanted to cross that STAGE at the debate!)
BRIAN WILLIAMS: I crossed the road with the chicken. (and built the road)
BEN CARSON: This isn’t brain surgery. So why did the chicken cross the
road?  (do chickens even have brains?)
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a
maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their
eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the
road to surrender her eggs. Period.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the
chicken crossed the road?  (and does Bernie Sanders have anything to do with Colonel Sanders?)
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground
here.  (let’s go invade Iraq) (I’ll bring my mom)
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. (but you want to know what I DID do with that chicken?)
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.  (No, it is NOT a blood relative)
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?  (am I the only thing that’s not racist?)

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just
drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
chickens.  (I am NOT an Oprah fan)
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. (But FOX does, they cheated and got the first interview with that side of the road)
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.  (and we didn’t have gay chickens then, either, I can tell you THAT)
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2016, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and
balance your checkbook.  (you’ll never lay an egg)
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?  (did that chicken also go to my hairdresser?)
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?  🙂

Which one’s your favorite?  And how’d I DO?!!
Z

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17 Responses to Chicken Crossing the Road……

  1. Mal says:

    “Ours is not to question why the chicken crossed the road, ours is but to…………….” (you finish it!)

  2. Kid says:

    Earnest Hemingway because he has the correct answer. You did very well Z, you must keep yourself well informed.

    How about madeline albright: That chicken better vote for h. clinton or it can go to hell.

  3. jerrydablade says:

    Z, yer killin me! LOVED them all, but your Bill Clinton dropped my jaw and I’m not easily shocked. Well done girl!

  4. geeez2014 says:

    Jerry! Sorry to shock you 🙂 and thanks…glad you liked thhem.

    Kid…good one with Albright

    Mal….”ours is but to……make sure no chicken democrat wins in 2016?)”

  5. Mal says:

    AMEN, Z. THAT WORKS FOR ME!

  6. John M. Berger says:

    Q : WHY DID THE ADORING OBAMA MINION CROSS THE ROAD?
    A : HE WAS TIED TO THE CHICKEN!

  7. Bob says:

    Fried chicken makes me happy. Bring it on, Colonel Sanders.

  8. Why did the chicken vote democrat?
    Because chickens can’t vote!

  9. Baysider says:

    Favorite: Ed’s! (I was going to say Pelosi until I read his answer)
    To educate Al Sharpton we have an Australorp or a Barred Plymouth Rock.

  10. geeez2014 says:

    Baysider….got your call…..good to see you here 🙂

  11. Silverfiddle says:

    That was clever! Thank you for the morning laugh.

  12. cube says:

    I’m with Jerrydablade. Good job! I also liked the Hemingway one.

    Here’s one for you from Charles Darwin:
    Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.

    ON A RELATED QUESTION:
    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters to no one in particular . . .
    “Well, I guess we answered THAT question !!! “

  13. Mal says:

    Good one, Cube!

  14. geeez2014 says:

    Cube, that is hilarious!!!!!

  15. Kid says:

    I’ve always regarded eggs as being angry. Especially the hard boiled ones.

  16. Mustang.Koji says:

    These are absolutely hilarious… and sad at the same time. Somehow, I could see Rich Little at a Dean Martin roast spouting off these lines while imitating them.

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