BEER and the WHEEL…makes sense to me!

beerBeer and the Wheel

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel.

Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.

Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our
early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just
stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa.

These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

  1. Liberals.
  2. Conservatives.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the
Conservative movement.

Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called ‘vegetarians’ which was
an early human word meaning ‘bad hunter’) learned to live off the
Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as
girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication
of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine
or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels
than their men.

Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community
organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the
pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their
women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters,
rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and
generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies
hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after
the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal
may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth
of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers
and to just piss-off more liberals.

I have no idea who wrote this but it’s great, isn’t it?  SO TRUE!
Z

 

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22 Responses to BEER and the WHEEL…makes sense to me!

  1. bocopro says:

    Never developed a taste for beer. Drank a lot of it when I was younger ’cause that’s what all the other guys were doin. Managed to get knee-walkin, commode-huggin ferschnickert on it many tijmes, too, but didn’t really like it.

    So I gave up tryin. Same with cigarettes. Smoked for years’n’years while in the Navy, ’cause that’s what everybody else did. Then one day I figured I’d got about as good at it as I ever would and just quit. Now I strongly dislike the smell on other people.

    Can’t stand crustaceans, either. Always wondered what that first guy was thinkin when he opened up a lobster or an oyster or a crab and saw that decaying, alien-looking, unwholesome, odiferous flesh and said, “Hey, I think I’ll eat that!” Wife scarfs that stuff up like gangbusters and indoctrinated all our kids and grandkritters in the practice, too.

    And after my MI some years back, I had to abandon red meat, cheese, and just about everything with flavor, especially if it originated in the body of a pig. Docs made me give up Pepsi in favor of tea . . . but surprisingly recommended a regular dose of dark chocolate — go figger. Can’t drink wine or distilled stuff ’cause of the statins.

    Anyway, seems that after a dissolute life of self-indulgence and gluttony I finally cholesteroled myself into a nutrient corner where if I find something in my mouth that tastes good, I gotta spit it out.

    Life’s a puzzle trapped in an enigma tied up in an oxymoron and tethered by contradictions, and then you die.

    But I still want a do-over — same childhood, same career, same wife, just without the smokes and the fats and the processed sugars. Maybe just a nice glass of Merlot now and then with a Robert Burns Black Watch . . . and a BLT once in a while. Hey, I don’t care what the docs say — bacon is the candy of meats. There’s no such thing as “too much bacon.”

  2. fredd says:

    Bocopro: now that you are a vegetarian, does that make you a ‘bad hunter’, and accordingly a ‘girlie’man’?

  3. bocopro says:

    Nah . . . eat a LOT of gospel bird — just not skillet- or deep-fried. Long story, but after I quit the red meat thing, I developed pretty serious anaemia. Nothin worked — iron supplement, leafy veggies, broccoli . . . nothin.

    So the same cardiologist who ordered me off the meat diet suggested I reintroduce ham into my diet. Numbers went from like 6 or 7 up to 14 in less than a week. He and I talked it over until he handed me back to the Navy docs, and he said a few strips of bacon wouldn’t hurt me now and then so long as I stay on the statin. His advice was two strips of bacon every 10 days and one small steak in between.

    Now when this guy said “small,” he meant S-M-A-L-L. When I asked, he pulled a small block of wood from his desk drawer and said, “Like this.” It was almost exactly the same size in all 3 dimensions as a deck of playing cards. Sheeeeessshhh! What’s the point! To me a steak is a 16-oz tri-tip or a one-inch-thick porterhouse. What he offered amounts to two lousy bites.

    My problem is a reversed LDL/HDL ratio, which means to keep my LDL at safe levels, I hafta keep my total cholesterol below a hundred. Farkle! That means no cheese, no salsiggia, no fried chicken . .. nothin that I grew up on. And I live with this SouthEastAsian woman who begins every meal by fryin porkbellly in a wok and then tossin in some garlic and onion and termater. GREAT cook, but I ain’t s’posed t’eat what she cooks best. Bummer. Or as she would say, “Putangina!”

    Ergo, my chicken breasts are skinned and grilled, and I have a nice BLT maybe once a month, and I stay away from the processed sugars as much as possible. And no commercially baked cakes or cookies.

    Oh, and I also have an Olympic-class case of GERD. No way, tho, I’m gonna give up the garlic, onion, and tomato. Life hasta have a point, right? Surprising thing is that thru it all, I’ve deluded myself into thinking that BocaBurgers and artificially flavored sweet tea actually taste good if done right.

    Bottom line, I’m dying of a severe pizza deficiency.

  4. Sparky says:

    Loved this Z! I’ve shared this because I’m hoping it’ll p-off more liberals. They’re such easy targets, you know? *giggle* Thanks for sharing and totally agree.
    And I’m sure others will join me in that we all pray that bocopro will stay healthy so he can continue to share his wisdom with the rest of us. ~:)

  5. Adrienne says:

    I may have to start drinking beer. Excellent analogy…

  6. Silverlady says:

    O.T. but pertinent this day & time. From barenakedislam.com (BNI) yesterday. Pictures on the site.
    _____________________________________

    Jun 24 2016
    ARKANSAS: ‘Shopping While Muslim’ couple threaten waitress: “People like you are the reason we kill”
    1133429_630x354Two converts to Islam, a husband and wife in Northwest Arkansas, have been arrested on terror charges after allegedly threatening a waitress in a local diner. “People like you are the reason we kill,” the wife reportedly said to the victim. She further threatened the waitress on social media by posting a picture of her husband in “Muslim attire” kneeling with an assault rifle.

  7. geeez2014 says:

    http://www.barenakedislam.com/2016/06/24/arkansas-shopping-while-muslim-couple-threaten-waitress-people-like-you-are-the-reason-we-kill/

    There’s the link to Silverlady’s comment…..Please don’t say “drop them from an airplane” when I ask what to do about people like this. I know we’d all like to do that…BUT….

    Let’s be rational and talk, legally and rationally, what COULD this country do with swine like these?

  8. Mal says:

    We still have a looooong way to go in eliminating PC. These folks were continual threats to our citizens yet nothing was done. WHY?
    Bocopro, your statement what was the first guy thinking that opened an oyster or crab and decided “Hey! I’ll eat that.” Well, probably the same thing as the guy that first looked at a chicken and decided “Hey! I think I’ll eat the first thing that comes outta there.”

  9. fredd says:

    Bocopro: you say you’re DYING from lack of pizza!?!? EVERYBODY STAND BACK, STAT!!! Make room for the Papa John’s delivery guy, he’s delivering a life saving MEAT LOVERS’ Special, deep dish, extra-HDL and LDL on the side. Sausage, beef, Canadian bacon and pepperoni, QUICK, grab a slice or two and get it over here…..

    OK, easy, Boco. Big bites, that’s it. Big, honking bites, there you go….you’ll be fine.

  10. geeez2014 says:

    fredd, you’re positively CRUEL! mmmmmmmm I can’t stand Canadian bacon on pizza (that’s England’s answer to every pizza…canadian bacon with pineapple..YUCK!) but the rest sounds GREAT!

    Mal, your line about the EGG is Fabulous!!!! Who’d have thought of eating THAT?!! You’re right!
    On Frasier, someone hated tongue….and said “I hate eating anything that’s been in somebody else’s mouth” and the Dad said “You eat EGGS!” 🙂

    bocopro….quite a saga! Dark Chocolate’s got very good things in it, believe it or not!
    Loved your rundown but feel badly for you! I’m a BACON QUEEN…don’t eat it very often but my friends all send me new bacon recipes, etc!!!!

    Glad everybody enjoyed this piece!

  11. I’m allergic to beer. The hops, I guess.

  12. fredd says:

    Boco: as Homer Simpson would say, “hmmmmmm (drool), baaaacon lattice…(slobber)”

    Z: I am not ashamed to admit that the Hawaiian pizza is one of my absolute favorites: Canadian bacon, pineapple, extra cheese on thin crust. Cold slices of beefsteak tomatoes on the side. As Homer Simpson would say, well, you know what he would say.

  13. Mal says:

    Z, what you said about eating tongue was true……..but know what? I still think I’ll stick with eggs even if they DO come out of “the other end.”

  14. geeez2014 says:

    Fredd…I’d never eat pizza again if that was the choice! But enjoy!

    Mal, I eat a LOT of eggs in varying preparations and love them!

    Bocopro; that kind of shows one CAN go too far with bacon!!!

    I heard someone say that he wanted to plant his favorite food in his garden but they don’t make BACON SEEDS 🙂

  15. geeez2014 says:

    Horrible stuff again from Trump;

    In Scotland he actually said he didn’t mind bringing into America SCOTTISH Muslims, so I’m guessing some Muslim living in Scotland flattered him, so they’re all okay now.

    Oh, and he actually said, in such a bullying, baby-like way “We’re talking to VP candidates…’the only people who say they don’t want it are those WE haven’t called’ LOTS of people want to do this with me…LOTS”
    Ya, WE haven’t called THEM, so they’re only SAYING they don’t want it. THIS , my friends, is the type of personality HE IS so he puts it on others.
    We are SO DOOMED.

    He is SUCH A FREAKIN’ THIN SKINNED ASS. I’m sorry, he JUST IS. DESPICABLE personality.

  16. bocopro says:

    That’s a bowl . . . you’re s’posed to load it up with taters and scrammeled eggs with a side of toast, glass of OJ, and a cuppa. I’d go with home-made currant jelly.

  17. Baysider says:

    Wonderful! That ‘early word for bad hunters’ cracked me up.

    Here’s an example of a real man, from a small rural-ish [conservative] community in southern Oregon. http://www.kptv.com/story/32195837/cowboy-lassoes-would-be-thief-in-walmart-parking-lot
    and more here: https://kobi5.com/news/thief-lassoed-by-man-on-horseback-29140/

    Yup he did indeed lasso a thief from horseback and held him for the sheriff. I can’t imagine what would happen if you did that in West LA.

  18. geeez2014 says:

    Bocopro. I got it’s a bowl….thanks. sounds good!

    Baysider…think they’ll legislate against lassos? 🙂

  19. Mal says:

    Baysider, I also saw that in the news about the guy on horseback in Oregon apprehending a crook. Good old western justice.

  20. Kid says:

    This is a good piece, read it before. Someone did some good work on it. Beer also kills off the weaker brain cells.

  21. cube says:

    I’m all for pissing off liberals 😉

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