Read and Smile…after yesterday here at GeeeZ, we need a break!

I thought some of these were REALLY clever and hope you enjoy this break from politics, too!

The only reason they say “Women and children first” is to test the strength of the lifeboats.  -Jean Kerr

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.  ~ Emo Philips

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford

The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.    ~ Spike Milligan

Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror. Anon

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. -Johnny Carson

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.   ~ Steve Martin

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.  ~ Jimmy Durante

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.    ~ Doug Hanwell

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. ~ George Roberts

If God had intended for us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.    ~ Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. ~ Robert Benchley

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.    ~ John Glenn

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I’m a billionaire. ~ Howard Hughes

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.  -An Old Italian proverb

Like them!?
Z

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21 Responses to Read and Smile…after yesterday here at GeeeZ, we need a break!

  1. Adrienne says:

    The last one is spot on and so, so Italian! Love it. Perfect metaphor for what’s going on now.

  2. geeez2014 says:

    Just saw a REALLY good one at Facebook:

    “I feel like Trump and Clinton are two divorced parents fighting for custody and we just want to go live with grandma”
    I know I feel that way sometimes… all the time lately? 🙂

  3. Imp says:

    A friend just sent this to me…

    A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seat tickets plus airfare and hotel accommodations. He didn’t realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can’t go. If you’re interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at St Peter’s Church in New York City at 5 pm. The woman in the white dress is named Jennifer.

  4. geeez2014 says:

    Imp, VERY cute 🙂 Really put a smile on MY face!

  5. geeez2014 says:

    As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn

    That one from John Glenn in my list really made me laugh because I know bidding processes and he was right! Talk about a scary feeling!

  6. Kid says:

    Great stuff Z.

  7. geeez2014 says:

    THanks, Kid….I don’t get many comments on fun stuff like this because we’re all so angry and wanting to spew, but I figure we need a break and I hope people are at least smiling as they get sucked into reading them!
    Glad you enjoyed them

  8. Prince Philip’s quip got me. Oh, the battle of the sexes!

  9. Kid says:

    I l.ike the lighter stuff. IN fact, I’m usually tempted to comment humor on the serious ones.

  10. geeez2014 says:

    Adrienne, that IS a good one…!!!

    Kid, still..imagine knowing the bidding process and realizing THAT when you’re plummeting through space!?
    What’s YOUR fave?

  11. Sparky says:

    “America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. ~ Doug Hanwell”
    With which I snarly retort, evidently not enough of them are electrified. *wink* I wouldn’t mind helping a few politicians into the great void. Permanently. Now you know why I’m called Sparky. *grin*

  12. Kid says:

    Z, I like the first two and the one about the first piece of luggage. So True! as I remember from my road warrior days.

    (On the small # of comments, This is one of those where I got the email notification a few days ago, but no post when I clicked on it. I just happend to see this liked in Adrienne’s latest post.)

  13. Kid says:

    I like the one about the King and pawn too.

  14. geeez2014 says:

    I think the KING AND PAWN is deadly serious, myself!
    Kid….perfect about the luggage, you are SO RIGHT!

    I never get a lot of comments unless the post is an anger-provoking one.

    As to the notification, I readied it a couple of days ago and sometimes it sends, either I mistakenly pushed PUBLISH or something…..but sorry about that!

    Sparky! I didn’t realize it was WORLDLESS WEDNESDAY at your site and typed and typed!! DARN! Maybe I’ll email you a cool happening related to your blog.
    Or maybe I’ll describe your blog and respond HERE so my buddies can see it.

    Sparky’s blog is about AUTUMN, my favorite season……two adorable images of autumn decorations like wreaths, etc. It reminded me of the huge gorgeous indoor plant, about 4′ tall, I found on my front porch Monday, the 7th anniversary of Mr. Z’s passing….it had orange paper stuffed around the base of the tree inside of which were little Autumn characters and an ‘Autumn Blessings’ little wooden cut-out……..and a card saying that my neighbors across the street were thinking about me on that day. I BARELY KNOW THEM….they’re THAT nice!

    EVERYBODY: Friday would have been Mr. Z and my wedding anniversary….I sat down with a bag of potato chips and pulled out the most perfectly formed potato chip HEART I’d ever seen…(having never seen a heart of ANY sort in a Lay’s potato chip bag)… I almost never eat chips but my 15 yr old Chinese student loves them so I get them for him. So it’s even weirder I’d pull that heart out!
    But, amazing that I’d pull out a sweet, perfect HEART on that day….except things like that have happened since he died………..too many to relate here!

    COol, huH?

  15. Kid says:

    That’s a heartstring story Z. And I’ve never seen a heart shaped chip either.

  16. Bob says:

    That;s a beautiful story, Z. I appreciate your post, today, as things in the news make me want to disappear into the country, and just laze away the time while the rest of the world goes crazy. We all can use more humor in life. The political scene has degenerated to a Looney Tunes production.

    I hope the week and month pass by with just good memories for you. In the end that’s all we really have of one another.

  17. geeez2014 says:

    If ANYBODY could have arranged that heart shaped chip in my hand, it was my Mr. Z 🙂
    People (sadly) often say “Oh, he sees you! I know he’s looking down on you” and I say “If he could see me and was looking down here, he’d BE down here!” He was a strong guy in mind and body! HA!

    Bob, I’ve been considering doing a post I once published on my old blog. It pertains to what you so nicely said about good memories and each other… I’m going to look for it and publish it tomorrow if I can find it. If I can’t, I’ll come relate the story here.
    Thanks.
    I’ve been feeling exactly as you are….”i just want to escape this WHOLE nonsense…America is falling apart quicker than most expected and we’re doing NOTHING but BLOG to stop it…I need to hunker down with loved ones and concentrate on HAPPY THINGS!”

  18. geeez2014 says:

    Bob, I did find it and just prepared it for tomorrow publication…I think you’ll be touched. I was, again, after reading it.

  19. FB says:

    On Twitter:
    – Lost Hillary emails may have been found.
    – Supposedly a video of Bill The Rapist http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2016/10/anonymous-video-bill-clinton-raping-13-yr-old-girl-will-plunge-race-chaos/

  20. Baysider says:

    It’s a tossup between the John Glenn and the Italian proverb. Imp’s input stands on its own! Nice distraction from the ugly stuff.

  21. Mal says:

    I loved them all. Humor beats depression any day so keep it up, guys!

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