We need HUMOR!

laughter-carry-it

-I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.  Completely ignoring the sign, the  woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?”   (Z; I LOVE THIS!)

-The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would “hate” to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.    (Z: Oh, yes!)

-Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.  (Z: of course that is ONLY true about cats  :-))

-Three friends from the local congregation were asked, “When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?”  Artie said, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.”  Eugene    commented, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.”   Al said, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!'”

-A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I   have to talk to you about it.”  The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”  The man replied, “My wife is going to poison me.”  The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”  The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s going to poison me.   What should I do?”  The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her; I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”  A week later the Rabbi calls the man.  He says, “I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”  The man said, “Yes” and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”

laughter-wasted

Z:  I hope you enjoyed those, I did!    Happy Friday!  Tell these jokes to a friend…make them laugh, too!

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11 Responses to We need HUMOR!

  1. Pretty funny stuff. I’ve been in line and had the 12 check out item cashier motioned me over because her lane was empty.
    Then somebody comes up behind me while she’s checking me out and I feel guilty.
    A little.
    I was also told that 12 of the same item count as one item. But how the cashier sees it and the person behind you sees it might be two different things.

  2. Angel says:

    HAPPY NEW YEAR! Z!!!! JAN 20TH CAN’T COME soon enough! hugss! xoxoxo:)

  3. John M. Berger says:

    @Z,
    Your lead story reminds me of an incident that I endured a few years ago. While waiting in the EXPRESS LANE (10 items or less), at a local super market, a lady ahead of me had a cart loaded with a great portion of the store’s inventory. I called her attention to the fact that [she] was in the wrong line. In so doing I suggested that she might want to take advantage of the Emily Griffith Opportunity School, in downtown Denver, which provides adult reading lessons. She exclaimed, angrily; ‘I’m a teacher’! I responded; ‘in the Public School system’? She said ‘yes’. I said; ‘OK I get it’. There was no further exchange while she un-loaded her stuff, redeeming a fist full of coupons.

  4. The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would “hate” to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.

    TRUTH!

  5. -FJ says:

    I just had to steal the cat joke and post it on my wife’s Facebook page. Thanks, Z!

  6. Mal says:

    Good jokes, Z. Studies have shown people with a good sense of humor live longer and healthier lives (lower BP, etc.) which also makes sense.

  7. Adrienne says:

    Since the entire world is laughing at Odumbo, we should be laughing, too. Good ones.

  8. Sparky says:

    Those jokes are made to groan on you. 😉
    *giggle*
    Have a happy day Z!

  9. Mal says:

    Sparky………….BOOOOO! ;o)

  10. Kid says:

    Couple weeks ago I was heading into a 6 machine UCheck, 12 items only – 4 of them have two racks holding plastic bags for your items and a couple feet of flat scale space. 2 of them only have the two racks dispensing the plastic bags. – Very limited space. A woman is at on of these with a full cart of items. She had the two bags filled beyond capacity and 3/4’s of the cart was stilll full and bottom rack had a couple large items and she was standing there without the slightest clue what to do. I actually looked at her and laughed.. After a few minutes one of the Ucheck people came over with a scanner and was laboriously scanning the rest of her stuff.

    I am going to go along with the Cat Woman thing Z. Women always get what they want one way or the other and I love giving whatever it is to them.

  11. Baysider says:

    Much enjoyed after another intense day at the dentist, with contractors and termite man. Mr. B especially liked no. 3, after I refused to go out In the rain On one more errand today!

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