The Ultimate Response:

A very accurate and succinct definition…

One should always be prepared…..  so, if someone asks you what the main difference is between most of the liberals and the conservatives, instead of stammering, and stuttering and looking for an answer, just tell them that the Conservatives sign their checks on the front, and the Liberals sign their checks on the back.

GOT ANY BETTER ANSWERS?  🙂

Let’s hear them!

Z

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27 Responses to The Ultimate Response:

  1. bocopro says:

    A few more from a YUGE list in my archives:

    Today some liberals try to pretend they’re really sort of conservative, and sometimes succeed in confusing people. The following are a few tips to use in distinguishing the two types.

    By definition liberals believe in big government and high taxes. Life is unfair and the government is there to do something about it. Most people are too stupid to spend untaxed income wisely, they say, and high taxes allow liberals in government to do a better job of it.

    Conservatives don’t like government, and, aside from the military, wish it would just go away. They hate taxes, regulations, speed limits, and small cars.

    Typical conservatives are Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ronald Reagan, Rush Limbaugh and, up there with the Big Man in the Sky, the incomparable John Wayne.

    Typical liberals are Dustin Hoffman, Shirley McLaine, Pee Wee Herman, Martin Sheen, Sean Penn, Barbra Streisand, Ted Turner and his former wife, the traitor Jane Fonda.

    All conservatives drink beer. American beer.

    Some liberals like imported beer, but most prefer white wine or foreign water from a bottle.

    Big game hunters are conservative. Interior decorators are liberal.

    Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn’t “fair” to make the poor pitcher take his turn at bat.

    Conservatives, inspired by a remark of the legendary Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker Jack Lambert, believe quarterbacks should be required to wear skirts, so they can more easily be distinguished from real football players.

    James Brown and Ray Charles are conservatives. Michael Jackson and Milli Vanilli are liberals.

    Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, and group therapists are liberals. Most ranchers, loggers, professional soldiers, and steeplejacks are conservatives.

    Liberal jurors distrust the prosecutors and police. Conservatives figure the defendant must be guilty or he wouldn’t be on trial.

    Most conservatives not only believe in the death penalty, they would cheerfully implement it, personally, if called upon to do so.

    Liberals think capital punishment is a barbaric relic, and unfair to boot.

    Typical conservative movies are “Raising Arizona”, “Patton”, and “Conan the Barbarian”.

    Typical liberal movies are “Prince of Tides”, “Last Tango in Paris”, and “The Big Chill”.

    The quintessential liberal is the handicapper, the person who decides how much extra weight to saddle the faster horses with in order to make the race “fair”.

    The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full bore conservative. A hundred years ago an Englishman in South Dakota was trying to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands and asked, “Excuse me, but could you tell me where to find your Master?”

    To which the cowboy replied, “That sumbitch ain’t been born.”

  2. Kid says:

    I like it !

  3. -FJ says:

    Timshel. Conservatives “choose” the straighter and narrower path.

  4. -FJ says:

    Timshel. It separates Christians from Moslems as well.

  5. geeez2014 says:

    FJ…holy COW..that’s STEINBECK!? I LOVED EAST OF EDEN (not as much as GRAPES OF WRATH) but don’t remember. THou Mayest..and Thou Mayest NOT.
    I have a group..a Christian couple and a Trained Rabbi who doesn’t have a congregation, but is a rabbi…we study Old Testament stuff like the real meaning behind Old Testament scripture in English. Hal, the Rabbi, reads from his Torah and straightens out the translations of English; it’s fascinating! Plus, they’re 3 of THE brightest people I know, and are conservatives (yes, even the Rabbi, VERY conservative values guy) and love wine 🙂 GREAT GROUP!!

  6. geeez2014 says:

    Bocopro!! Is this YOUR LINE? “The quintessential liberal is the handicapper, the person who decides how much extra weight to saddle the faster horses with in order to make the race “fair””

    THAT is UTTERLY BRILLIANT……THIS ONE IS NOT:
    “Big game hunters are conservative. Interior decorators are liberal.”

    I am a retired interior designer 🙂 HA!! Seriously!

    Great comment, thanks.

  7. jerrydablade says:

    Great list! I would add: Conservatives men don’t wear onesie jumper rompers, and concealed-carry means something different to a liberal transvestite in the road-side rest area stall.

  8. geeez2014 says:

    And NOW we have KEITH OLBERMAN apologizing to England for out INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT.
    The most HUMILIATING thing I’ve read in a VERY VERY long time…a no-talent socialist apologizing for OUR PRESIDENT? I just saw that in the news.

    SO we can add about liberals (in keeping with this post):
    Liberals love to apologize. Conservatives try not to do things that need apology.

  9. geeez2014 says:

    JERRY! HAAAAAAAA!~~~~~

  10. Baysider says:

    A beautiful and fun start to a hard day. My niece’s husband is a rancher in South Dakota. A REAL rancher, and very conservative. You can’t use dead plattitudes when you have live stock

  11. bocopro says:

    No, I don’t reckon that line about the handicapper is mine. Comes from a MUCH longer list which I found somewhere and then augmented with some of my own stuff.

    A shameless, unabashed plagiarist, I’ll try to attribute neat stuff when I can, but I don’t always drag down the source with the substance. And when it winds up in my totally disorganized archives, sometimes I can’t identify my own from the flotsam and detritus.

    In fact, I stole one recently from here . . . something about Schumer and an allusion to Don Corleone. I know I said I’d purloined it from a blog when I used it in a daily rant some time later, but now I can’t even remember the quip itself, much less the author.

    Memory ain’t what it usedta be. Ner eyesight, neither. Hair? Upper-body strength? Flexibility? Faggedaboudit.

  12. geeez2014 says:

    Bocopro.,…Ya, I’m a stickler for attribution here at GeeeZ……but I DO understand when we literally can’t quite remember from where , or even if it’s ours or not. But try it you can!
    We love you in spite of eyesight, hair, upper-body strength, and flexibility 🙂

    And, Boco: Kid, on my last post, commented something about .”there’s enough room in his head for an air show”! A past long-time commenter here and at AOW’s blog, Beamish, said once “the tally of positive things leftists and Democrats have done for ANYBODY’s civil rights could fit in a thimble and still leave room for an air show…” LOVE THAT

    Here’s a fave you might like, too….will publish some of his others soon:

    “The right remembers history and learns from it, the left revises history and blames Jews for gravity when they run off a cliff.”…Beamish, again

    He was a troubled but VERY brilliant kid, but I wonder now if these were even HIS quotes!!! Because I was stunned to see Kid use the air show line….must be a popular comparison??? But VERY FUNNY…I LOVE “”the tally of positive things leftists and Democrats have done for ANYBODY’s civil rights could fit in a thimble and still leave room for an air show..

  13. bocopro says:

    Well, I DOES admire the aptly turned and polished epithet, or aphorism, or homily, or snark, and will gleefully grab it for use in a totally unrelated setting, often revising it for the nonce.

    But . . . . in all honesty, very little of the rapidly disappearing data in my coconut was dreamt up by moi. At least 95% of the stuff is there because somebody else thought of it first and left it out where I could stumble upon it.

    I didn’t sit down one day and figure out the times tables all by myself, or the difference between adjectives and adverbs and things that go bump in sentences. And two of my most favoritest keyboard-side kompanions have for years been WEBSTER’S UNAFRAID DICTIONARY and COMMON KNOWLEDGE.

    OTOH, I thoroughly enjoy reassigning a slightly revised witticism from The Bard or Will Rogers or Mark Twain to situations they perhaps anticipated but never experienced.

    And I’ll whip out a parody of a classic poem or lyric in a Noo Yawk Minnit to pillory classic ignorance from the likes of Kerry or Gore or Milady Klintoon. To me that’s cerebral yoga . . . keeps the mind relaxed and limber.

  14. -FJ says:

    @ Z

    Sounds like great study group. Diversity is ONLY a strength provided it’s “intellectual” diversity. I love how Steinbeck went on to have “his” study group go on from Hebrew, to the Greeks… 🙂

    John Steinbeck, “East of Eden”…
    “Do you remember when you read us the sixteen verses of the fourth chapter of Genesis and we argued about them?”

    “I do indeed. And that’s a long time ago.”

    “Ten years nearly,” said Lee. “Well, the story bit deeply into me and I went into it word for word. The more I thought about the story, the more profound it became to me. Then I compared the translations we have—and they were fairly close. There was only one place that bothered me. The King James version says this—it is when Jehovah has asked Cain why he is angry. Jehovah says, ‘If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.’ It was the ‘thou shalt’ that struck me, because it was a promise that Cain would conquer sin.”

    Samuel nodded. “And his children didn’t do it entirely,” he said.

    Lee sipped his coffee. “Then I got a copy of the American Standard Bible. It was very new then. And it was different in this passage. It says, ‘Do thou rule over him.’ Now this is very different. This is not a promise, it is an order. And I began to stew about it. I wondered what the original word of the original writer had been that these very different translations could be made.”

    Samuel put his palms down on the table and leaned forward and the old young light came into his eyes. “Lee,” he said, “don’t tell me you studied Hebrew!”

    Lee said, “I’m going to tell you. And it’s a fairly long story. Will you have a touch of ng-ka-py?”

    “You mean the drink that tastes of good rotten apples?”

    “Yes. I can talk better with it.”

    “Maybe I can listen better,” said Samuel.

    While Lee went to the kitchen Samuel asked, “Adam, did you know about this?”

    “No,” said Adam. “He didn’t tell me. Maybe I wasn’t listening.”

    Lee came back with his stone bottle and three little porcelain cups so thin and delicate that the light shone through them. “Dlinkee Chinee fashion,” he said and poured the almost black liquor. “There’s a lot of wormwood in this. It’s quite a drink,” he said. “Has about the same effect as absinthe if you drink enough of it.”

    Samuel sipped the drink. “I want to know why you were so interested,” he said.

    “Well, it seemed to me that the man who could conceive this great story would know exactly what he wanted to say and there would be no confusion in his statement.”

    “You say ‘the man.’ Do you then not think this is a divine book written by the inky finger of God?”

    “I think the mind that could think this story was a curiously divine mind. We have had a few such minds in China too.”

    “I just wanted to know,” said Samuel. “You’re not a Presbyterian after all.”

    “I told you I was getting more Chinese. Well, to go on, I went to San Francisco to the headquarters of our family association. Do you know about them? Our great families have centers where any member can get help or give it. The Lee family is very large. It takes care of its own.”

    “I have heard of them,” said Samuel.

    “You mean Chinee hatchet man fightee Tong war over slave girl?”

    “I guess so.”

    “It’s a little different from that, really,” said Lee. “I went there because in our family there are a number of ancient reverend gentlemen who are great scholars. They are thinkers in exactness. A man may spend many years pondering a sentence of the scholar you call Confucius. I thought there might be experts in meaning who could advise me.

    “They are fine old men. They smoke their two pipes of opium in the afternoon and it rests and sharpens them, and they sit through the night and their minds are wonderful. I guess no other people have been able to use opium well.”

    Lee dampened his tongue in the black brew. “I respectfully submitted my problem to one of these sages, read him the story, and told him what I understood from it. The next night four of them met and called me in. We discussed the story all night long.”

    Lee laughed. “I guess it’s funny,” he said. “I know I wouldn’t dare tell it to many people. Can you imagine four old gentlemen, the youngest is over ninety now, taking on the study of Hebrew? They engaged a learned rabbi. They took to the study as though they were children. Exercise books, grammar, vocabulary, simple sentences. You should see Hebrew written in Chinese ink with a brush! The right to left didn’t bother them as much as it would you, since we write up to down. Oh, they were perfectionists! They went to the root of the matter.”

    “And you?” said Samuel.

    “I went along with them, marveling at the beauty of their proud clean brains. I began to love my race, and for the first time I wanted to be Chinese. Every two weeks I went to a meeting with them, and in my room here I covered pages with writing. I bought every known Hebrew dictionary. But the old gentlemen were always ahead of me. It wasn’t long before they were ahead of our rabbi; he brought a colleague in. Mr. Hamilton, you should have sat through some of those nights of argument and discussion. The questions, the inspection, oh, the lovely thinking—the beautiful thinking.

    “After two years we felt that we could approach your sixteen verses of the fourth chapter of Genesis. My old gentlemen felt that these words were very important too—‘Thou shalt’ and ‘Do thou.’ And this was the gold from our mining: ‘Thou mayest.’ ‘Thou mayest rule over sin.’ The old gentlemen smiled and nodded and felt the years were well spent. It brought them out of their Chinese shells too, and right now they are studying Greek.”

    Samuel said, “It’s a fantastic story. And I’ve tried to follow and maybe I’ve missed somewhere. Why is this word so important?”

    Lee’s hand shook as he filled the delicate cups. He drank his down in one gulp. “Don’t you see?” he cried. “The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’ Don’t you see?”

    “Yes, I see. I do see. But you do not believe this is divine law. Why do you feel its importance?”

    “Ah!” said Lee. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time. I even anticipated your questions and I am well prepared. Any writing which has influenced the thinking and the lives of innumerable people is important. Now, there are many millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, ‘Do thou,’ and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in ‘Thou shalt.’ Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But ‘Thou mayest’! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win.” Lee’s voice was a chant of triumph.

    Adam said, “Do you believe that, Lee?”

    “Yes, I do. Yes, I do. It is easy out of laziness, out of weakness, to throw oneself into the lap of deity, saying, ‘I couldn’t help it; the way was set.’ But think of the glory of the choice! That makes a man a man. A cat has no choice, a bee must make honey. There’s no godliness there. And do you know, those old gentlemen who were sliding gently down to death are too interested to die now?”

    Adam said, “Do you mean these Chinese men believe the Old Testament?”

    Lee said, “These old men believe a true story, and they know a true story when they hear it. They are critics of truth. They know that these sixteen verses are a history of humankind in any age or culture or race. They do not believe a man writes fifteen and three-quarter verses of truth and tells a lie with one verb. Confucius tells men how they should live to have good and successful lives. But this—this is a ladder to climb to the stars.” Lee’s eyes shone. “You can never lose that. It cuts the feet from under weakness and cowardliness and laziness.”

    Adam said, “I don’t see how you could cook and raise the boys and take care of me and still do all this.”

    “Neither do I,” said Lee. “But I take my two pipes in the afternoon, no more and no less, like the elders. And I feel that I am a man. And I feel that a man is a very important thing—maybe more important than a star. This is not theology. I have no bent toward gods. But I have a new love for that glittering instrument, the human soul. It is a lovely and unique thing in the universe. It is always attacked and never destroyed— because ‘Thou mayest.’”

  15. geeez2014 says:

    FJ….I don’t remember that and I have to admit it touched me far deeper than I’d think it would….it’s SO BEAUTIFUL, this thinking……….
    Thank you for pasting it here…I’m not usually fond of REALLY long stuff like that in Comments, but I LOVED LOVED LOVED this and am considering reading EAST OF EDEN again, frankly, because of it, it’s been SUCH a long time…I think I was probably 16.

    So much GOOD in that….. :”They do not believe a man writes fifteen and three-quarter verses of truth and tells a lie with one verb. Confucius tells men how they should live to have good and successful lives. But this—this is a ladder to climb to the stars.” Lee’s eyes shone. “You can never lose that. It cuts the feet from under weakness and cowardliness and laziness.”” OH MY GOSH.

    We could (Or I’d like to, anyway) this for HOURS “Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win.” Lee’s voice was a chant of triumph.” Actually, my church bunch, about 30 of us, are talking about Calvin v Wesley and predestination and our proclivity to sin and FREE CHOICE are talked about wisely and interestingly….
    Of course we are not here to BE GREAT, a stature with the gods,,, part of some of our love for God is the confidence and security that someone’s GREATER than WE ARE up there……But we ARE told we SHALT and DO THOU…but the essence of God’s Words is definitely YOU MAYEST… I believe his “SHALT” means “this is what I WANT for you…this is the best path..” BUT…we have choice…so we MAY and we MAY NOT….

    FJ…I LOVED this and am always stunned by your breadth of knowledge on lit and music…astonishing. I’ve ‘known’ you about 16 years now and you never don’t amaze me.

    Was there a part of your paste above that particularly appealed to YOU? A concept that hit home?

  16. geeez2014 says:

    bocopro…maybe you plagiarize 95% of the time (which I don’t believe) but nobody puts it all together as well as you do. You put me in awe, too!!

  17. geeez2014 says:

    Shep Smith calling Pres Trump a liar again today.

  18. Kid says:

    Just read where MSNBC has more viewers than Fox now.

  19. Mal says:

    i LOVE THE THIS ONE, Z! ITS SOOOOO TRUE!

  20. Mal says:

    (The This???)

  21. -FJ says:

    @z,

    This morning’s “Acoustic Sunrise” song on my commute in to work was Mumford & Son’s “Timshel”. It was played at the Ariana Grande concert a few days ago for the victims of the Manchester bombing. I thought it a beautiful song, but didn’t quite understand the “title”. Further investigation proved something of a “revelation”.

    I had re-read the KJV of Genesis 4 about ten years ago and remember having been greatly puzzled by God’s admonition to Cain and by what he had meant by the phrase “sin lying at your door”. It wasn’t until earlier today when Googling “timshel” that I came across the “reason” for my former perplexity. The nuance lost in the KJV translation from Hebrew was, IMO, “everything”.

    Glad you enjoyed Steinbeck’s explanation as much as I did.

  22. geeez2014 says:

    FJ..LOVED it.

    Kid, yes, that’s what’s been happening…MSNBC is gaining.

  23. Mal says:

    Too much disruption of the Fox hosts. The left must be happy now.

  24. Imp says:

    Bocopro……
    Twas I … I’ll readily confess… that made the “Don ” quip in reference to chucklehead schemer as the don of the Kosher – Nostra

  25. geeez2014 says:

    Mal and Kid…people DESPISE Trump, number growing, so anybody who was a CNN watcher’s probably slipped to MSNBC for warm supportive hugs.

    BY THE WAY: Trump’s now threatening to “LIVE TWEET” during the Comey trials. Does he even LISTEN to the public? Nobody thinks his tweets are a great idea and what’s he do? OMG
    He’s got to suck all the attention out of every freakin’ room.

  26. Kid says:

    Z, Hate can be a woderful thing for some people. They thrive on it.

    I disagree on the Great Tweeter. If he didn’t tweet, his actions would be subject to analysis ONLY by the enemy – the media. He must tweet because no one else is putting out facts.

  27. Nobody thinks his tweets are a great idea and what’s he do? OMG
    He’s got to suck all the attention out of every freakin’ room.

    I don’t think Trump will be able to overcome his narcissism, and will tweet during the hearing, much to our embarrassment. As I noted yesterday on my site, Cavuto had a refreshing admonishment for Trump and his Twitter:

    “Mr. President, it’s not the fake news media that’s your problem, it’s you. It’s not just your tweeting, it’s your scapegoating, it’s your refusal to see that sometimes you’re the one who’s feeding your own beast.”

    “They didn’t tweet disparaging comments about a London mayor in the middle of a murder spree. You did. They didn’t create that needless distraction. You did. They didn’t get you off your very valid and very promising agenda. You did. They didn’t turn on a travel ban that you signed. You did.”

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