These are terrific…thanks, Mal, for supplying them to me!


Here are some classified ads, which were

actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:


8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!



1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.


FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall

fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.



Must sell washer and dryer £100.



Worn just once … by mistake.

Call Stephanie.



Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,

45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker

–Billy Connolly.

“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,

How come they can’t have a headache and sex

at the same time?”

Now _off we go to __School

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math

multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?


TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today

that we didn’t have ten years ago.



TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’

MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why

his father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..


TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers

before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly

the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who

keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher


Due to current economic conditions the light at the end

of the tunnel has been turned off.


This entry was posted in England, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to These are terrific…thanks, Mal, for supplying them to me!

  1. Kid says:

    Very funny stuff. I wonder if people in the UK still place spoof ads on April 1st.


  2. geeez2014 says:

    Kid, I don’t know, but I LOVE theirs….the Brits have such good humor!!

    ALSO: I was wondering ….completely off topic: Anybody got anything to say about ANITA HILL having been resurrected for leftwing cable shows by the hate-the-Right bunch because she’s apparently such an expert on sexual harassment, due to Justice Clarence Thomas? As if it was absolutely TRUE what he’d done to her? I read yesterday when trying to remember the details that another woman had come out saying Thomas had hit on her but she said she would never call it harassment, it was just harmless joking around. But NOT OUR ANITA!..nooo…and now she’s as famous as she apparently hoped she’d be, isn’t she!

    Since Weinstein, I’m wondering if ANY man who’s ever complimented a woman’s dress is going to be brought up on charges as long as he’s a rich celeb?

    Anybody else find the TIMING of the Roy Moore accusations astonishing? What, 2 weeks before his election, after …30 years, is it? Suddenly, SHE REMEMBERS 🙂 !!!


  3. Kid says:

    Roy Moore. This is their preferred strategy get silence or damage people and politicians on the right. They tried with Trump too. And wasn’t it 2 or 3 weeks before the election then too. They’re getting pretty boy cried wolf with this stuff.

    Like Jack said the other day, women are going to be walking around wondering why no men are approaching them if they keep calling non-physical encounters with men as harrassment,.


  4. Mal says:

    Yeah, Kid, or say forget it. I’ll become Gay! ;o)


  5. Kid says:

    🙂 I wouldn’t go that far.


  6. geeez2014 says:

    Ya, just too weird that NOW is when these people “remember”…and how can Moore deny it? “I didn’t do it” doesn’t really fly.
    It’s the FACTS, that it’s only NOW that it comes up, which should humiliate and shame the Left…but I don’t think they know shame or humiliation… can they, considering what they’ve done to our country?


  7. Silverlady says:

    Stole them & sent them! Thanks, Mal & Z.


  8. Baysider says:

    Good humor is welcome any day. Nice ones!


  9. John McCain made improper advances to me when I was a young man.
    That’s my story, and you can’t prove otherwise.
    He should step down immediately


  10. Mal, thanks, now everyone wants to know why I’m laughing…


  11. BTW. Why the big uproar over something that might have happened 40 years ago and the total disinterest in what Clinton did last year?


  12. geeez2014 says:

    Ed, stay tuned for Saturday’s post I wrote today!


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