BRITISH HUMOUR IS FUN …
Here are some classified ads, which were
actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall
fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn just once … by mistake.
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,
45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker
“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can’t have a headache and sex
at the same time?”
Now _off we go to __School
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn’t have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why
his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly
the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who
keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end
of the tunnel has been turned off.