WORDSMITHS!? THESE are GOOD!!

For Those Who Like Words

1. The meaning of opaque is unclear .

2. I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.

4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!

5. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.

7. It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Samurais it for you.

8. It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

9. So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘apocalypse’? It’s not the end of the world.

10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest

11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.

13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.

14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

16. Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?

17. I used to be allergic to soap but I’m clean now.

18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.

19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.

20. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!

21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.

22. What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns.

23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

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25 Responses to WORDSMITHS!? THESE are GOOD!!

  1. kidme37 says:

    Very Cleaver. Love em all.

    Like

  2. ACUCHUCK says:

    Doesn’t your Left(ist) arm, ever, get tired beating that old dead Russian horse?

    Like

  3. geeez2014 says:

    Kid, I’m glad you find it CLEAVER!! 🙂 heheh!!

    Chuck…is that for ME or Joe Biden! 🙂

    Like

  4. MAL says:

    Those are cute spins, Z. I have a son-in-law that loves those so will be forwarding for him to enjoy, too.

    Like

  5. Sparky says:

    The cows were sleepy because they stayed up pasture bedtime. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  6. MAL says:

    Someone broke into the police station restrooms and stole all the toilets.
    The police have nothing to go on.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Bob says:

    What do you call a hot pepper with nothing in it? A hollowpeno.

    What do the police do when there’s a fly annoying the station? They call the swat team.

    Why do male ants float in the water? They are boy-ant.

    There are literally thousands of these puns. My friend posts several of these per week, and I always respond to her with a sad, mad, or vomit emoji.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. geeez2014 says:

    Love all of these!!

    Mal, Dad was a HUGE pun fan. If we were ironing “you having a pressing problem?” We were having fish for dinner “Just for the halibut”! 🙂

    I have a TERRIBLE habit, COMPLETELY subconscious, of saying things like “Your cousin is from Georgia? She is a PEACH” I don’t even call people PEACHES generally! I SWEAR I don’t do it on purpose. But it happens CONSTANTLY 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. MAL says:

    Z, its because you’re just a natural punster! Hey! We all need to laugh (or in this case groan) once in awhile ’cause none of us are gettin’ outta here alive so may as well go down laughing.
    Yeah, I remember your dad had a happy disposition so being a punster makes sense.

    Like

  10. MAL says:

    Z, remember I told you about when we were at a church picnic and one of our kids had won 3 goldfish in a bowl and I asked your dad, who was manning one of the booths, if he could take care of the 3 fish while we ate lunch, and as we were walking away he yelled out “whats their names?” and I replied “Art, Bart, and F-F-F-Fargo!” and he broke up laughing. He was the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Baysider says:

    Really cute. Z’s and ALL posters. Much needed relief. Play on, words!

    Like

  12. geeez2014 says:

    Mal, thanks…DAD REALLY WAS THE FINEST MAN I EVER KNEW. And one of the funniest, too!

    WShat’s “Art, Bart and FARGO?”

    Baysider…it’s NECESSARY to have a BREAK, isn’t it!!!

    They’re announcing THE US HAS HIT NEARLY 5 MILLION CASES…but refuse to say how few died from it. And that HALF of those dying are in the aged in nursing homes.

    Like

  13. geeez2014 says:

    Can anybody tell me how the PAYROLL EXEMPTION doesn’t help? Libs are saying it won’t …”it only helps employers and employees…it won’t get people jobs”. Isn’t that enough?
    Is the Left THAT STUPID and SICK that helping employers and employees doesn’t matter?

    Like

  14. geeez2014 says:

    OK…Now I know how it doesn’t help. Soc Sec and Medicare are already in trouble and payroll taxes support those. Well, I get the short term help, but I SURE hope Trump can figure out how to replenish SS…and I SURE hope he’s the one in charge when it comes up.

    Like

  15. kidme37 says:

    Here is how the SSA says SS is funded.
    https://www.ssa.gov/news/press/factsheets/HowAreSocialSecurity.htm

    How about we cancel LBJ’s great society (mostly welfare) that was used to steal SS out of its lockbox and put it into the general fund where politicians can steal it.

    As George Carlin said “Now they’re coming for your retirement money, they want your social security money, and you know what they’ll get it. They’ll get it all.” Yep. The kids already believe there won’t be anything there for them from SS and there will not.

    The original terms of SS were that all the money would be in a lockbox and only used for SS. Those who paid in would have an account with their name on it. It was a self funded retirement program and if untouched would have money squirting out of its ears even without investment gains.

    Like

  16. -FJ says:

    I stole these and reposted. Great stuff!

    Like

  17. geeez2014 says:

    Great, FJ! 🙂

    KID…yes..>PAYROLL taxes….boy, that is a TON OF DOUGH, isn’t it!!! How I WISH they’d LEFT THE MONEY THERE………I’m not at ALL interested in Americans being in charge of their retirement money, but this lock box sounds good….I just don’t think many Americans would be smart enough NOT TO TOUCH IT TILL THEY RETIRED.
    THanks for that great info.

    SO, do you think Trump should have done this to payroll taxes?

    Like

  18. MAL says:

    “Art Bart and F-F-F-Fargo” (most folks expected it to rhyme, Z.
    (Geeez! It ruins it when ya gotta explain it!). ;o)

    Like

  19. Baysider says:

    May I add more levity and a warning? Be careful if the grocery store wants to scan you with one of those temperature things when you go in. They don’t do temperature. They erase your memory! I know. I went there for milk, chicken and eggs. And I left with one gallon of ice cream and three Snickers bars.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Baysider says:

    Mal, I didn’t get it either. (:

    Like

  21. geeez2014 says:

    Baysider, I’m glad you didn’t get it, either 🙂

    And ya, lots of adorable thing about memory and the virus/vaccines…this is a very cute one, too! 🙂

    Like

  22. geeez2014 says:

    Sec ESPER on FOX with Judge Jeanine, kissing Trump’s butt so fast I can’t quite get over it…flattering him, etc……he better, considering how he hasn’t helped DJT from under the bus lately…

    Like

  23. kidme37 says:

    Z, at no time was it suggested that people would have control over their SS dollars.

    Like

  24. MAL says:

    I guess you have to say it rather than read it to be clear.
    You say Art, Bart, and then hear a F coming expect Fart. Art, Bart, and Fart, but instead you say Fargo. Thats all. Sorry for the confusion. Whenever I’ve said it, folks always got it and laughed but I guess it loses its meaning when in writing. Z’s dad certainly got it at the time.
    Sorry for all the confusion, folks!

    Like

  25. It takes the mind of a child to get it Mal.
    I got it.

    Like

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