The Perfect Day

perfect day

January 20, 2017

President Marco Rubio and Vice President Carly Fiorina are sworn into office.

In a rare event on inauguration day, Congress convenes for an emergency meeting to repeal the illegal and unconstitutional Socialist healthcare farce known as Obamacare.  The new Director of Health and Social Services Dr. Ben Carson announces that an independent group of healthcare management professionals is hired to handle healthcare services for poor and low income people.  They are also assigned the duty of eliminating Medicare and Medicaid fraud.  Government’s costs for public healthcare are reduced by 90%.  Healthcare insurance premiums for working Americans are reduced by 50%.  The move saves billions of taxpayer paid dollars.  Healthcare service in the U.S improves 100%.

Newly appointed department of Homeland Security Chief Donald Trump announces the immediate deployment of Troops to the U.S. Mexico border to control illegal immigration and the immediate deportation of illegals with criminal records or links to terrorist groups.  New bio-encrypted Social Security ID’s are required by every American citizen.  Birthright is abolished. All immigration from countries that represent a threat to the safety of American citizens is terminated indefinitely. The move saves American taxpayers billions of dollars.  Several prisons are closed.

Newly appointed Secretary of Business and Economic Development Ted Cruz eliminates more than half of the Government agencies operating under the Obama administration saving taxpayers billions of dollars.  Stocks rise 100%.

Newly appointed Director of Government Finance Rand Paul announces the abolition of the IRS and displays a copy of the new Federal Tax Return form.  It consists of one page.  The instructions consist of two pages. The Federal Reserve is audited. The move saves American Taxpayers billions of dollars and increases tax revenue.

Hillary Clinton is in jail, where she belongs.  Her cell is directly across from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who are serving time for ‘Hate Crimes”.  She bitches at them constantly from behind the bars of her cell in what some might call cruel and unusual punishment.

Bernie Sanders is in the nuthouse, where he belongs.  His room is directly across from Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chris Matthews and Al Franken.  They meet for tea every day at ten and discuss the success and benefits of Communism and Socialism throughout the world.  They also wonder when the “Mothership” is going to pick them up and return them to their home planets.

Windows 12 is released.  It is designed for humans, doesn’t try to satisfy the needs of every person on the planet, doesn’t require a degree in nuclear physics to operate and looks just like Windows 7 except it is easier to use.

Oscar Meyer announces the introduction of a new cholesterol and fat free pepperoni that tastes just like regular pepperoni.  And a bacon that that has no fat and tastes even better than bacon today!

 Not to be outdone, Kraft Foods announces the introduction of several varieties of cholesterol and fat free cheeses that taste just like regular cheese.

A committee is not established to determine what is causing global cooling.  Billions of taxpayer dollars are saved.  And, believe it or not, though a committee wasn’t formed, the Western world actually understands that doesn’t mean Republicans want dirty air and dirty water, just a better way to solve whatever problems we realistically can and not break the bank.

Dead people are no longer allowed to vote in Chicago, a huge blow for the Democrat Party in the State of Illinois.

ANYONE even suspected of terrorist involvement is on a Search List;  once they’re found, they’re immediately put on the Deport List.   Their immediately family, parents and wives and children, also go.  (this is Z’s own invention!)

Christianity has finally become the faith of most Americans again and nobody thinks it’s a great idea to kick God out of anywhere, including the military;  they’ve learned their lesson!

They have found a cure for Autism and a way to keep drugs out of our country!

I receive a call from an attorney in Ireland.  He explains that I have inherited a castle and a huge bank account near a coastal village in Ireland from a distant relative and that I need to be in Dublin as soon as possible to sign the papers.  Ten hours later I tour our new home and find I also have homes in Munich and the South of France.  There is an old Racing Green Porsche roadster in the garage, also part of the inheritance.

And this my friends constitutes THE PERFECT DAY!!!!!!

(I got this from a friend via email yesterday and thought it was fun……tweaked it a lot with my own adjustments/additions)
What would YOU add to it?  Let’s try to have fun with this, we all know what you’d want to do about Muslims and Obama…we don’t really need to revisit all of that!

Z

 

 

 

This entry was posted in America, Humor, matters of interest. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to The Perfect Day

  1. Okay, here’s mine….

    A new survey finds that America has returned to being a nation of readers. Americans of all ages are putting away their devices for several hours a day and reading books.

  2. jerrydablade says:

    AOW, I read my books on a Kindle but am willing to go back to paper. Hmmm…

    Z, I love your perfect day, for it would be a pretty darned good day for the rest of us, castles notwithstanding. You have the right chess pieces on the board. I might move them around a bit, but why quibble? I’D TAKE IT! Except for that bio implant chip thingy. Nobody is putting a chip in me without my celebrating the 2nd Amendment. While we are at it, let’s immediately defund Planned Parenthood. Better yet, repeal Roe v Wade and make infanticide a crime again. And a balanced budget amendment… and this thermos, and that’s all I neeed.

  3. Jerry,
    I, too, like my Kindle. But when I’m using the Kindle Fire, I’m too subject to “taking a peek” at the web to see what’s going on, then the peak becomes surfing the net.

  4. bocopro says:

    I’ve written a few similar to that, covering most of the same bases. In some there was mention of pillories and ropes and trees and tar & feathers. Here’s one with a slightly different take on the same general idea (sorry the formatting doesn’t come out right):

    The Ten Commandments for Making America Great Again.

    I

    I am the God whom you trusted when you wrought forth your nation from the wilderness. You shall have no other gods before Me.

    II

    You shall not worship things that glitter or any likeness of human beings or anything that is made of plastic; you shall not bow down to nor serve entertainers, athletes, criminals, or government officials.

    III

    You shall not speak the name of the faux moon god of the people of the Arabian areas. Neither will you provide or afford special consideration for those who do.

    IV

    Remember the Constitution and protect it from those who would undermine its fundamentals. Bear in mind that it does not describe marriage as the union of one man with another man or of one woman with another woman. Speak to and deal with others as you would have them speak to and deal with you, but do not forget that being offended by someone’s actions or remarks does not automatically mean that the offending person is wrong and you are right.

    V

    Honor your commitments, but make none that you cannot afford. You shall not spend beyond the capacity of your revenue base to maintain budget balance, both in your personal life and your government.

    VI

    You shall not murder; however, some people are in great need of killing. Do not be squeamish in fulfilling that need when it arises.

    VII

    You shall not elect junior senators or other inexperienced and unprepared popinjays as your commander-in-chief.

    VIII

    You shall not permit a double standard to exist which exempts the makers of your laws from the laws which they make for you.

    IX

    You shall not tolerate print or broadcast media which selectively edit or otherwise alter the public information which it is their job to provide you merely to promote their own agenda.

    X

    You shall not allow trespass into your lands by those who are not authorized entry. For those who enter your lands surreptitiously with intent to disrupt or defraud or merely to enjoy benefits without payment, the second part of VI (above) applies.

  5. Silverfiddle says:

    US Chief Trade Negotiator Donald Trump will hammer out an alternative to the now-scrapped TPP that doesn’t sell American workers down the river and surrender US sovereignty to international corporations.

  6. Kid says:

    That’s Fabulous Z. I’ll have to give it some thought. The first thing I’d do is stop paying females to pop kids out like pieces of toast into with no visible financial or family support environments. # 2 comes along and they get sterilized.

  7. Lisa says:

    That is sweet. I will take most any combo of Republican candidates at this point as long as your wish list is fulfilled.
    Many good ideas here. Great minds!

  8. Baysider says:

    I think you left out that Jesus Christ is reigning in Jerusalem and all malefactors are disassociated from planet earth the moment they mal-efact. 🙂

  9. geeez2014 says:

    Here is another dream for a perfect day:

    “We support France in their fight against ISIL, We urge all Americans to be on guard, report anything you see, we will fight this radical Islamic scourge and do all we can to prevent anything happening to us in the United States. We will take the war to them so we will win. While we do want to help people who need it, this is a time of great threat and so we have to stop the refugee influx because we know there could be trouble within them and I won’t take that chance here in America”

    Ya, that’s some dream in comparison to what O said today….

  10. geeez2014 says:

    Hollande just now called America “One of the most powerful countries in the world, if not the most powerful.” I’m not sure I’ve ever heard that from a world leader. “one of the …”
    interesting.

  11. Mal says:

    With this perfect scenario, the only thing missing is someone inventing the Fountain of Youth so we can enjoy life for an eternity!

  12. Sparky says:

    There’s so much I would like to add but my wrists are aching terribly (arthritis). I’ll just say I AGREE and nearly any Republican would be a plus (except Trump or Christie, both actually Dem’s) at this point. I’m gonna have to share this.
    Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone. Hope your day is blessed. ~:)

  13. geeez2014 says:

    OH, Sparky…I am SO sorry your wrists ache so badly…Know we’re praying for relief.

    I certainly do wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving, too.
    God bless you.

    Mal….I’m hoping that eternal life will be “up there”…but I have to admit I do like it very much ‘done here,’ too 🙂
    My Pastor on Sunday was talking about Jesus’ return and he said “I’ll look up there and say to myself ‘whew!, it’s TRUE!'” That still makes me laugh when I think of him saying it!!

  14. geeez2014 says:

    bocopro….interesting that you include God at all! Your points are very clever.

  15. bocopro says:

    Well, as my mother liked to say, our problems began when government kicked God out of the classroom.

    I figger I don’t have to be on a first-name basis with the owner to support the team, and I’d sure rather live in a country with a Christian ethic than one based on submission and fear or one with none at all where the meanest mutha in the valley has all the girls, gold, and glory.

  16. bocopro says:

    And as to the arthritis, my thumbs hurt so badly today that I tried to put an eye splice into a piece of 21 thread for a guy to lash down a bed frame in his truck and almost couldn’t get it done.

    Wife & I both have OA, not RA, in the thumbs so bad that she can’t open a jar of relish. No way she can peel a taro or cassava root or a papaya with a potato peeler, so she gives it to me to do. And now I’m almost at the point that it makes me wanna pee right down my leg when I try to grip somethin like a peeler or a jar to open.

    But . . . if I run hot water over ’em for a few minutes, they tend to calm down, and then after usin ’em for a while, the pain subsides to almost nothin.

    ‘Course later after the work is done, they stiffen up and tell me never to do that job again. Gittin old ain’t fer sissies. She’s 78, and when Mother Nature shows up with the current month’s worth of aging, she just refuses delivery.

    I been tryin that, but sometimes I fergit a spot, like a hip or a knee, and the application soaks in to take root. Wakes me up from sleep sometimes.

    Tried that glucosamine chondroitin and thought I sensed a mild degree of improvement, but it might just be psychosomatic. Docs told me it won’t hurt anything, so go ahead and use it, but lay off the list of foods that aggravate the OA. Easy to Google. Here’s one site:

    http://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/arthritis-diet/foods-to-avoid-limit/

  17. Bocopro,
    I lucked out and mostly escaped the OA that everyone else on the maternal side of my family suffered. They used two remedies: (1) wearing Isotoner gloves while sleeping and (2) soaking their hands and knees in gasoline, kerosene, or similar solvent (varsol, maybe). They coated their hands with Vasoline before the soakings.

    The maternal side of my family hailed from the East Tennessee Appalachians. A lot of the weird home remedies seem to have worked.

  18. geeez2014 says:

    GASOLINE SOAKS!? That’s fascinating!!
    Thanks for the tips, AOW!!!

  19. Mal says:

    I hope they weren’t smokers, Bocopro!

  20. Mal says:

    Actually, I should’ve addressed that to AOW!

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